


You're Here in My Heart to Stay

by Husaria



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, First Time, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, References to Homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 22:16:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Husaria/pseuds/Husaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Running away from a homophobic home environment, Feliks Łukasiewicz boards a train for Vilnius, Lithuania to meet his boyfriend for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Here in My Heart to Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Sexual situations to come in later chapters.

Being early in the morning, Warsaw Central station was fairly empty. Some of the shops and cafés had opened. The first passengers boarded their trains heading all across Poland and Europe. Feliks heard _Paris_ , _Berlin_ , and _Copenhagen_ overhead on the intercom. His train would not be called for another hour.

His ancient laptop took forever to connect to the free wifi. He sipped his hot coffee a few times before his laptop received a weak signal. He clicked on the browser icon. A white page popped on his screen, and then switched to his Google homepage. He made his way to his e-mail account. He scrolled through his inbox. Nothing new. He opened Toris’ last message from yesterday.

_Oh God, Feliks, are you serious?_

_I wish there was something I can do. I really do. Please stay strong. However long it may be, we’ll find each other again. Please. I love you.[[MORE]]_

Feliks’ lips curled into a smirk. He replied to it,

_Hey, so this is totally crazy and stupid and will probably get us in a shitload of trouble but whatever._

_I kinda ran away this morning and bought a train ticket to Vilnius._

_Yeah._

_Totally. You heard me._

_I left my phone at home so I couldn’t be tracked (I don’t even know if it would work in Lithuania tbh :P)_

_idk if I get Internet on the train so_

_My train arrives in Vilnius at like 18:00 at someplace called Gelezisomething something. You’d know it._

_Also I told my parents you live in London so that they go in the other direction HA._

_God, I’m so happy, I’m going to be meeting you for the first time. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER! AND JUST IN TIME FOR OUR TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY TOO._

_I really don’t know what else to put here._

_Anyways, luv ya!_

He sent it.

Feliks drank more of his coffee, reading through more e-mails: advertisements for universities and technical schools, random junk, an exchange between him and his best friend about covering his tracks for his excursion. He owed Erzsébet big time. He ate more of his strawberry pączek, checking the time. He had some time to kill in the station until boarding. He wiped the jelly off his face.

The sun would barely be rising. On a lazy summer Saturday, his parents would barely be getting up at noon much less half past six. As much as he was used to walking through the streets of Warsaw, he mistrusted his sense of direction in the dark early morning. He paid for a cab.

One of his main goals was to look as inconspicuous as possible for this. He did not want to have the police suspect him as a runaway, which he was. He dragged a small suitcase with him and carried a backpack. That way security would look at him and think, “This guy isn’t a runaway. He’s just a guy going on holiday.” _Hopefully_ , he looked like that. Yeah, he totally did.

Feliks needed to sleep on the train. Even with the coffee, he felt himself falling asleep, his eyes drooping, his head nodding off at odd moments. All-nighters sucked for him. If he nodded off for a few minutes, it wouldn’t be too bad, right? Just a few minutes of shut-eye. It’d keep him from falling asleep completely.

_“Boarding call for the seven twenty-five train from Warsaw to Šeštokai.”_

_Kurwa._

Feliks jolted up and gave the clock on his computer one last look. Seven fifteen. The platform couldn’t be too far. He slammed his laptop shut, shoved it in his backpack, shoved the rest of his pączek in his mouth, and threw out the coffee. At some point, the pączek fell out of his mouth, and he smashed it under his foot as he ran to the platform. Red jelly stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

People loaded into the train. Feliks expected more. Many of them were tourists from other nations; he rarely heard Polish. He shuffled through the crowd, making eye contact with no one. He stepped on the train and finally looked up, but only to see the seat numbers. Feliks found his seat in the back of the train. Aside from him and a few other people, his car was empty.

The train had stops in Białystok and some other smaller Polish towns; Feliks had to switch trains at the Lithuanian border and take a train from there to Vilnius.

He shoved his suitcase in the compartment above his head and sat down with a small sigh. He put in an earbud. From what the website said, the train would stop at the border at two o’clock. He had been up since four in the morning, filling his suitcase and his backpack with clothes and money and double-checking and repeated how he would order the tickets from the kiosk at the train station without flying into a panic attack.

“Tickets please.”

Without looking up, Feliks took the tickets out of his backpack and handed them to the conductor.

The conductor scanned his ticket. _Beep_.

“Your final destination is Vilnius?”

Feliks nodded.

“We’ll get to Šeštokai close to three. It’ll be our last stop.”

The train jolted forward to begin its journey.

Feliks nodded.

“You’ll hear an announcement over the intercom once we’re close, alright?”

Feliks nodded.

The man handed back his tickets and went away. Feliks pressed a few buttons on his MP3 player and leaned back his head against the seat. He closed his eyes and allowed sleep to overtake him. He deserved it.

*

When he blinked awake, the sun shone in his face. His eyes adjusted to the light and he sat up, an earbud slipping out. His back creaked and throbbed with soreness. The clock on his MP3 player said barely past two. There were a few newcomers on his car, but it was mostly vacant. An old woman sat on the chair across him.

_“Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving in Šeštokai within the next half-hour.”_

What? Were they already in Lithuania? Feliks peered outside the window, but it looked the same to him—vast golden fields as far as the eye can see. He sighed and put in his earbuds. Maybe there’d be Internet at this train station (he doubted it), and maybe Toris replied.

When the train stopped, Feliks got off the train with his backpack and suitcase. He thanked God that the train transfer was in a border town. Some of the signs were in Lithuanian and some of the signs were in Polish. Toris taught him some Lithuanian, but more often Feliks had to read Polish to understand where he was going. He found the platform and the train and got on, sitting back down. This train was even more deserted than the last one, but unlike the other, Feliks was sure it would get full. The train would pass through Kaunas.

Feliks sat through this train in silence like the last one. He didn’t say a word when the conductor came to scan his ticket, both out of fear and the fact that he did not know enough Lithuanian to converse with him. His hands shook as he brought out the ticket and nodded when he assumed that the conductor asked a question.

 _Calm down,_ he thought as the train sped by more fields. _You need to calm down. You totally don’t want to have a panic attack in the middle of the train station, right? Just think. You’re going to meet Toris._

_Oh God, I’m gonna meet Toris._

His mouth went dry.

_I’m really gonna meet him for the first time, oh my God._

Time had never flown by so fast. The last time he checked his clock, it was a little after two, but now it was four. The ticket said that he would arrive in Vilnius close to six o’clock in the evening. Two hours. Just two more hours, and he would finally meet Toris for the first time. Two years of Skyping and e-mailing and writing letters would finally be worth it. He would finally meet Toris, his sweet loving Toris. He hoped to God that Toris checked his e-mail. He didn’t want to be stuck in the train station more than he had to.

But what if Toris read his e-mail and he didn’t want to pick him up?

What if Toris picked him up and didn’t like him?

What if Toris fell out of love with him?

Oh God.

Feliks rested his head on the hot window. He didn’t care if he got a headache from it. The thought of Toris falling out of love with him made him sick. He ignored the train stops in smaller towns and Kaunas. The train got more filled and Feliks got more light-headed. He gulped, but he found his mouth empty of saliva. Blood drained from his face.

First there was an announcement in Lithuanian, then in Russian, then in Polish.

_“Ladies and gentlemen, we will soon be arriving in Vilnius. Please begin to collect your bags.”_

Oh no. Feliks whimpered at the voice.

The train rolled to the stop like honey. His suitcase stood on the seat next to him. No one had sat there throughout the ride.

Alright. Here he went.

He was going to meet Toris for the first time. Everything was going to be good from now on. Everything would be perfect.

He stepped off the train and exited the platform.

 _Shit_.

Swarms of people crowded the station—foreigners on vacations, businessmen coming for meetings, families, men with briefcases, backpackers, hundreds of people entering and leaving. His mouth went dry and his hands shook, trying to hold his suitcase as best as he could. He didn’t know where Toris was, and at this point, he didn’t care. All that he knew was that there were people everywhere—people he didn’t know, people who didn’t speak his language—and he needed to get out; he needed to get away from all these people before he cried and collapsed in the middle of the crowd.

“T-Tori—”

His throat tightened.

“T-Tor…”

People stared at him. His mind suffocated, clawing at any grasp to breathe. Water sprang into his eyes. Time seemed to stop.

_“Feliks!”_

There he stood. Right next to a donut shop.

He sprinted towards Feliks, and Feliks reached out. His suitcase fell. He wanted Toris to hold him and run his fingers through his hair and then they could finally kiss…

Toris pulled him into his chest. Feliks sunk into his touch. His knees gave out. His fingers grasped at Toris’ shirt as if Toris would let him go at any moment. The knot in his throat loosened, and he shut his eyes, tears leaking under the lids.

_“T-Toris…!”_

“Fel.” Toris whispered. He touched his hair, and another hand went on his back. Feliks melted. His hands were firm, but gentle, saving Feliks from drowning. His savior.

“H-Hey…”

Feliks pulled away and wiped the tears from his eyes. Everything felt good again. Toris was here, and he was safe, and this was going to be perfect.

“T-Toris.” He smiled. “G-God, Toris…Uhh…”

“I-I can’t believe this day is even happening,” Toris said. His voice was softer than Feliks remembered, and it was rich and warm like tea with honey, his Lithuanian accent creating a soft inflection on his English. “You’re real…I’m holding you. I-I…”

Feliks whimpered. “T-Toris…I-I…G-God…” He was just so perfect. He was everything Feliks imagined him to be.

Toris flashed him an awkward smile. “I-I can’t believe you’re here. I’d kiss you, but we’re in a public area. Y-Yeah—”

Feliks laughed. Toris had told him that Lithuania and Poland were similar in that respect. “Y-Yeah, I mean—”

He looked around. People stared at them, but they didn’t bother Feliks as much as before. With Toris, he couldn’t give a shit about them.

Still, it would be best to leave before someone called security.

“Umm…” Toris’ eyes darted around the station. “Maybe we should stop hugging.”

“Yeah.”

They broke apart and stared at each other. Toris sheepishly looked down with a blush, and he scratched the back of his head. Feliks still smiled.

“Heh, this is…wow,” Toris said. “I can’t believe it, can’t you?”

“No,” Feliks said. This was just like a dream.

“So…uhh, how did you get here?” Toris asked. “You had to get to the station somehow but I thought your parents had you on lockdown.”

“They did,” Feliks said. “But I totally snuck out in the morning and took a cab to the train station.”

Toris picked up his suitcase. “You took a cab?” he asked in wonder. “How much did that cost you?”

“Forty-four złoty, but Erszi gave me fifty for a cab.”

“Did she work together with you to make this whole thing possible?”

“Yeah,” Feliks said. “I owe her big time.”

“I need to thank her as well,” Toris said. He took his suitcase. “Oh! Did you bring any money?”

“I did!” Feliks slid his backpack off his shoulders and opened the pouch with all of his money. 2000 złoty, all of his savings in the bank.

“I’ll exchange it,” Toris said.

“Here.” Feliks gave the money to Toris.

“Thanks, Fel.”

He found a kiosk and exchanged the currency. Around 1600 litai came from it. Feliks put them back in his bag.

“How far do you live from here?” Feliks asked. “I forgot to put in your address on Google.”

“Not too far. I’ll drive us.”

They walked a bit and found Toris’ car. It was an older car. It was dented on the side and its blue paint had seen better days. But the inside was clean and Toris set his suitcase down in the back. The sun was setting and Feliks saw the Vilnius skyline directly in front of him. It must glitter when night came, all of the lights shining from the buildings…

“You know Eduard isn’t here, right?” he asked as he started the car.

“You never told me that,” Feliks said. “Where is he?”

“He’s back in Tallinn with his family. His room’s available, but I don’t know if you can use it.”

“Oh…” He always thought that he would sleep in Toris’ bed when they met, and they could hug and kiss…

“Where am I supposed to sleep?” His voice tinged with disappointment.

“Our couch pulls out into a bed.”

 _A sofabed?!_ Toris expected him to sleep on a _sofabed_?

“Why can’t I sleep in your bed?” he blurted.

“Wh-What?!” Toris yelped. “In _my_ bed?”

“Yeah! I thought I was gonna sleep in your bed…sorta…” His earlier confidence weakened. He turned red and looked away from Toris. “I mean…I’m your…”

“B-But…I-I mean…” Toris shook his head. “L-Let’s talk about it when we get to my place.”

Feliks stayed silent. This made him feel strangely distant from Toris.

Toris drove through the winding roads of Vilnius, passing by rows of cute multi-colored buildings and cafés and small shops. Almost all businesses had a Lithuanian flag in front. Families walked the streets, smiling and talking to another, eating ice cream and laughing. Feliks wondered if Toris and he could be like that one day.

They stopped in front of a flat with a big green door. Across the street was a park and a white official-looking building. Feliks stepped out of the car and helped Toris lift out his suitcase. 

“This is so strange,” Toris said, opening the door. “I can’t believe you’re in my apartment.”

Toris’ bright flat was small but neat. The curtains were made of clean white lace. Lithuanian and English books with tattered covers and broken spines sat perfectly on the bookshelf. The worn couch was decorated with floral and paisley designs and pastel colors. There was a small TV across the room with stacks of movies piled high—a lot of American ones. The coffee table in front of the couch was spotless. Only one book—a paperback—laid on top of it. The fireplace had no wood and not a hint of ash, and the mantel held a line of animal ocarinas.

“I really don’t have anything made up for you,” Toris said. He wheeled his suitcase by the couch. “It was…just so sudden. I barely had anytime to think about it.”

“It’s okay,” Feliks said. He stared at the couch. How was he supposed to sleep on that ugly thing?

Toris sighed. “Are you hungry? Did you eat anything on the train?”

“Like, I mainly slept on the—oh!”

Feliks set down his backpack and dug through it. “Oh, I hope it didn’t get ruined!”

“What get ruined?”

“Here!”

Feliks finally pulled it out of his backpack. In his hands sat a little purple unicorn figurine with a black-and-purple mane—Twilight Sparkle from _My Little Pony_.

“I know you’re not into ponies anymore, but I found her in a store and I thought she would be perfect for you.” Perfect for him, the Twilight Sparkle to his Rarity.

“Oh, Feliks…”

Toris took the small pony from his hands. The biggest smile that Feliks had seen on him grew on his face. He ran a finger through the pony’s mane, holding her delicately as if she were made of myrrh.

“Her mane is beautiful.”

“Yeah, her hair was really crazy when I first got her, so I had to make up her mane.” Feliks’ mother had woken up to see the bathroom sink covered in black and purple hair. She yelled at him for it later, but it was worth it.

“I’ll cherish her.” Toris wrapped his arms around him, and Feliks eagerly leaned into his strong touch. He rested his chin on his shoulder and looked up into his sweet green eyes, watching those smooth lips curl into a smile.

“Toris?”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Red flowed into Toris’ cheeks.

“Y-Yeah,” he said. “You can.”

And then they kissed.

Their noses bumped at first, but then Feliks tilted his head one-way and Toris another and Feliks stood on his tiptoes and their lips met. Toris’ lips were unimaginably soft and warm. Passion blossomed in Feliks’ chest, and he pressed forward, his chest touching Toris’. His heart pounded. Feliks’ hands roamed on his body, finding Toris’ shoulders and squeezing them, his fingers latching onto his shirt to never let him go.

They pulled apart after a minute or so, both finding themselves smiling at the other. Their foreheads touched. Feliks opened his eyes to see Toris, and the kiss filled his boyfriend’s eyes with affection and love, the meek blush still on his cheeks. Strands of his brown bangs fell into his eyes.

“Heh…” Toris said. “I liked that.”

“I liked it too.” Feliks giggled. One of his hands stroked Toris’ hair. It was softer than he could ever imagine.

“It…It was my first,” Feliks said.

“Your first kiss?”

“Yeah.”

Toris pecked him on the lips. “And there’s your second.”

The sudden kiss sent a jolt through Feliks, but he giggled louder. “Thanks, babe.”

They gazed at each other for a few moments. Feliks wished he could relive their first kiss over and over again. Toris’ lips were right there. Maybe he could…

“Hey…Fel,” Toris interrupted before he could kiss him again, “I don’t think you staying in my bed would be a bad idea.”

Feliks’ eyes shone. “Really?”

“Yes.” Toris kissed the top of his head. “Besides, I have no idea how to pull out the couch.”

They disengaged from the hug, and Toris took a hold of his suitcase, rolling it to his bedroom.

“Come on, let’s get you settled in.”

Feliks eagerly followed him into the bedroom.

If anything, Toris’ room was cleaner than the living room. Rows of books lined the pure white walls. He made his bed neatly and without a single crease in the blankets. His sheets were white with a plain green comforter. His desk was spotless. The only things on it were Lithuanian textbooks and his black laptop. A map of Lithuania hung on the wall opposite of his bed, and a Lithuanian cross hung above his bed. A tattered basketball sat in the corner. The window looked out into the park and trees across the street. Toris had shown him his room via webcam, but Feliks never imagined that it looked like _this_.

“Wow…” he whistled. “This is totally clean.”

“Thank you.” Toris wheeled his suitcase to the side of the bed and set Twilight Sparkle down on his nightstand. “I really don’t like messy things.”

Feliks sighed happily and sat down on the bed, observing the room. “I still can’t believe I’m actually in your bedroom…”

“I still can’t believe that you’re in my apartment with _me_.” Toris sat down next to him. His hand was right there. It seemed bigger than Feliks’ but soft, a perfect hand to hold.

“Are you hungry, Fel? You said you didn’t eat all day.”

“H-Huh?” Feliks looked up at him. “I…I don’t think I am.” Meeting Toris made him forget his stomach. “Or maybe I am.”

“When was the last time you ate?”

Feliks thought. “…Before I, like, boarded the first train. In the morning.”

“That’s nearly twelve hours ago!” Toris said. He stood up. “Wait here, I’ll go cook something up.” Before Feliks could say another word to him, he went out of the room. Feliks followed him.

Toris rummaged through cabinets in the, once again, very white and clean kitchen. He darted between the cabinets and the fridge, taking things out before putting them back in.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me! I used up everything for last night’s dinner.”

“Leftovers are fine,” Feliks said. “I, like, really don’t mind.”

Toris groaned. “The only thing we have left is pasta and some sauces.”

“But I love pasta!”

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I made some for you?”

“Duh.”

“Alright then…um…” Toris took out a pot and filled it with water. “I’ll make some for both of us then. I’m a little hungry too.” He threw a bizarre combination of fettuccini, spaghetti, penne, and ziti into the pot. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make you anything Lithuanian today. I know how much you’ve wanted to try it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing, Tori,” Feliks said.

After the pasta had been cooked, Feliks placed the forks and spoons on the table on top of napkins. A few moments later Toris came out of the kitchen with two bowls of pasta. At the sight of them, Feliks’ stomach gave a massive rumble. Saliva filled his mouth. He hadn’t eaten since earlier that day, and he had only eaten half of the pączek.

Toris set down his bowl. “Here you are, Fel. I’m going to bring out some cheese soon.”

“Mmm.”

Feliks took one bite of the delicious, hot pasta, and suddenly, he turned into a wolf. He shoved in spoonful after spoonful of the pasta to satiate his empty stomach, red sauce smearing his face, ziti and strings of spaghetti slipping from his lips. He chewed and swallowed and inhaled with abandon, ignoring Toris’ stunned look across the table.

“F-Fel…?”

A sharp pain shot through his stomach and Feliks put down his fork, clenching his stomach. He must’ve gained ten pounds just from that meal.

“Ah…! I ate too fast.”

Toris stood up. “Do you want me to get anything?”

“Some indigestion thingy would be…good.”

“Hold on. I’ll get you something.”

How gross. He had made a complete pig of himself and now he had an upset stomach and a mouth full of red sauce. He groaned and used a napkin to wipe off his mouth.

Toris came back in less than a minute with a small bottle of antacid. “Here you are.”

Feliks took a spoonful and gasped, putting his head on the table. Toris rubbed his back.

“O-Oh…” Feliks gave a shudder.

“Feel better?”

“A little…”

“Do you still want to eat?”

“No…”

Toris took his bowl and went away to the kitchen for a few minutes. He came back out and sat down, eating his own pasta.

“Tori…?”

“Hmm…?”

Feliks sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Being dumb.”

“You weren’t being dumb. You were just hungry.” He ate a forkful of pasta. “After I’m done, we can watch a movie. Eduard left a ton here. I’m sure we can find some of your favorites in his pile.”

After Toris had finished eating, he and Feliks kneeled in front of Eduard’s movie pile next to the TV. From the looks of them, a lot of them were pirated.

“I don't know if he has a Disney movie or two in here that you’d like,” he said.

Feliks picked up _Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon_ and put it off to the side. “It doesn’t have to be a Disney movie.”

Finally, Toris had dug up an America horror movie for them to watch. The movie was extremely boring until some underground human-like creature attacked one of the girls (he _knew_ she was going to die first) and blood spurted everywhere. Feliks laughed hysterically, clutching Toris’ arm, tears of laughter running down his cheeks. Toris chuckled half-heartedly but stared at the screen with a pale face.

“Ah, that was great, To-oh—” Feliks opened his mouth and yawned. Toris stroked his hair with a smile. His eyes were a bit wide, maybe the movie creeped him out.

“You tired?”

“Nahh—ahhhhh…”

Feliks yawned again.

“Fel…”

“A little.”

Toris stood up. He offered his hand. “Do you want to go to bed?”

“Nah.”

“Pajamas then?”

“Kay.”

Feliks got out his pajamas and Toris showed him the bathroom. Feliks changed, brushed his teeth, and came out. Toris sat at the foot of his bed, playing with his phone. He wore only a thin white shirt and shorts. Feliks suddenly felt overdressed—red pants and a button-up shirt with horses on them.

Toris looked up and smiled. “You look cute.”

Feliks blushed and sat down next to him, giving a small smile in return. “Thanks. You look cute too.”

Toris giggled. He laid down on the bed.

“Are you going to bed?” Feliks asked.

“No, I’m just resting.”

Feliks leaned back, and back, and back, and back, and flopped down next to Toris. Toris’ bed wasn’t as soft as his own back in Poland.

“Fel, can you put my phone on my night desk?” he said.

“Sure.” Feliks put his phone down on the night stand next to Twilight Sparkle.

“We need a Rarity,” Toris murmured.

“Mmm, we can totally buy one online.”

“Maybe. Fel?”

“Yeah?”

“Ahh, sorry, but…can I hold you?”

“O-Oh umm…sure.”

Feliks rolled onto his side, facing Toris and looking up at him. Toris slid his arms around his waist and rested his head on his hair. Feliks curled up into Toris, his cheek on his chest. Toris was lean and a little bony, but he had a decent amount of muscle on him. Feliks sighed.

“Do you like this?” Toris asked.

“Mmm.” Feliks nodded. His fingers gripped his shirt. “I love it.”

They laid together. Feliks was aware of Toris’ fingers relaxing on his back, Toris’ breath tickling his hair and his scalp, and the warmth coming from his body. Toris’ heart drummed. Feliks closed his eyes.

“Are you going to sleep?”

Feliks shook his head. “No…”

“May I turn off the light?”

Feliks nodded.

Toris reached over and switched off his lamp. The darkness covered them. Feliks curled his toes and put a hand on Toris’ arm.

“Toris?”

“Yes?”

Feliks raised his head. “I love you.”

Toris kissed him. “I love you too.”

With the beating of Toris’ heart in his ear, Feliks’ mind drifted off to sleep, comforted by the safety of finally being with him.


End file.
